funny reddit stories

Says that his dog ain't bothering nobody. Shortly before being beaten with a set of jumper cables. However he'd been out and bought all the equipment, and not cheap stuff either. [–]henriquegarcia 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (10 children), source: https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7ysha/dont_shave_your_ass_hair_craigslist/c07rx13. This was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. [–]N0V0w3ls 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children). My dad ended up coming into my room, discovering the source of the noise (I even threw in some fapping motion under the covers) and awkwardly leaving. Thank you, [–]hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (3 children). That's fourty-eight eggs a day. I suppose they could have pets. --- 3000 LIKES AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! [–]LlamaWithAnAttitude 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (6 children). I was waiting for him to sober up and realize he only owned one cat. Telling new hires that the break room microwave is a viable means of secure hard disk destruction isn't prudent, even if they should know better. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. 15 Really Funny Short Stories. What is the funniest story you have ever read on Reddit? Her real mommy was coming to get her soon. People that work in the wedding industry, have you ever seen a couple and immediately thought “this ends in divorce”? The pineapple greentext. I didn’t know which post to choose from Sally’s dozen funny stories! Asks for the controller. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. Besides, they weren’t her real parents. Not hard, but looked annoying. So I have decided to share what I've heard and hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes just as much as I do. Appending a technical email with a summary labeled "Manager Speak" and using small words, while effective, is not acceptable. more >>, Askreddit is for open-ended discussion questions. Wondering what to do when your boyfriend gives away your Hamilton tickets?What about if you need advice on how to get your girlfriend to stop writing you so much poetry?For many people, the r/Relationships subreddit is a community to help navigate life’s romantic quandaries. He's back?! Then we'd go to the nearest town, and pop out shits at every public area, while keeping eye contact, of course. What's your craziest thing you have ever seen in public? REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc. π Rendered by PID 23251 on r2-app-01d298756a9da77a1 at 2021-02-23 10:23:31.816966+00:00 running 81a1eda country code: US. Then I would squat out a shit right in the middle, while maintaining eye contact with anyone I could. Or anywhere else in the office, and is not the "life juice" of a UNIX sysadmin. I never really considered it before, just kind of thought it was a funny way to spell beetles... At age 17: finally learned that a Mini Cooper is manufactured by the make Mini, and the line of cars is Coopers. [–]DXGypsy 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago* (1 child). This is a collection of intelligent jokes and some funny stories for children and so-called grown-ups. The everchanging artwork on the ceiling was better. Amelia hated closets. Same thing we do every night, Pinky. He starts taking gear off to make it easier to get out, breathing apparatus and the like. He bolts yelping bloody murder as he runs away at full speed. [–]Zarith7480 407 points408 points409 points 5 years ago (2 children), Imo the funniest part is when someone comments that chicken eggs aren't fertilized or whatever and the op just says " oh well nevermind then", [–]PizzaHockeyGolf 89 points90 points91 points 5 years ago (1 child), I heard he ended up with the No belle prize, [–]thatwasnotkawaii 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (2 children), [–]whosthedoginthisscen 3450Answer Link341 points342 points343 points 5 years ago (8 children). I could not control my laughter I had to stop reading a few times. [–]Doctor_What_ 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (0 children). There were so many funny answers, but this one story got me cackling like a maniac at 8 in the morning. Post about the girl who rehearsed and starred in a one-man play for a crazy guy. sight. It was a terrible smell and it lingered. I can only find it in an unrelated thread now ( https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2q3g4c/i_woke_up_and_opened_my_computer_to_this_courtesy/ ). Their faces grimaced for a while and their conversation led to them accusing each other for the foul smell and being a "pussy if [you] don't own up to it" and how no one called "Safety." Actually upset may be the wrong adjective to use for the monkey though. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. I tried to make small talk but he was quite a sourpuss. Was in tears after this one. When there's a tour group in the data center, don't come into the office. After repeating the prison process and making an entire town a part of my gang, we'd go onto the nearest city, dropping deuces e'erywhere. [–]imherefinallyy 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]Darkfire346 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (1 child). But as the group of teens got louder and louder and annoying with their stupid, ratchet, first-world problems, (along with their racist comments about current events), I decided to undertake covert operations. Changes the subject and figures that they'll revisit the idea another time. [–]Isares 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (1 child), Holy shit I've heard Roy Kelly narrate this but I've never seen it irl. RJ-45 ends are not "network seeds" and should not be scattered under floor tiles in an effort to cultivate a server farm. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit gifts. Well it only took a moment for the dog to realize he was in way over his head. Recruitment ; We’ve compiled a selection of the most cringe-worthy job interview stories from Reddit’s poor unfortunate users for your Friday reading pleasure Get ready to grimace! My ass was smooth as ivory. Apparently it was not OC. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Hot New Top Rising. [–]acomputer1 79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (11 children), [–]PATXS 110 points111 points112 points 5 years ago (8 children), [–]Shaggyninja 187 points188 points189 points 5 years ago (3 children), [–]BaconIsFrance 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]TrolliusJKingIIIEsq 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]duperando 7770Answer Link774 points775 points776 points 5 years ago (34 children). As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the worker say, [–][deleted] 145 points146 points147 points 5 years ago (3 children). 24 Funny Stories With Unexpected Endings. That there is more than one whale called Shamu. I feel like having sweat/shit mixture wouldn't be a problem if you didn't already have issues with getting shit caught in your ass hair to begin with. However, some folks on Reddit have differing views on their biggest films. Before I shove off this mortal coil, I want children, who might experience a world without the oppression I have suffered". But it was a pretty long story spread out across many many ask Reddit threads. Do not assign contractors numbers and refer to them by number alone, even if they take well to the system and begin addressing eachother by number. 19 hours ago. Check out some of the funniest, most cringeworthy encounters with nightmare candidates that these recruiters will never forget. 1. What Gaston wants to say, what he's struggling to articulate, is "Belle, I'm dying. Responding only in memes and youtube clips of movies is not an effective means of communication with management. Another reason Gaston wants to marry Belle is because, as mentioned above, all he knows how to do is to fight for France and its people. I thought the term "prima donna" was "pre-Madonna." I shared in their pain, as a little bit of the gas had crept with me and attacked my very senses. Original Stories. ... Well come over here and read some unique stories from unique people, found in the Wild West of Reddit. Marking my territory, y'know? It’s also home to some of the more bonkers (possibly fake) relationship stories … I really hope someone reads this and knows what I'm talking about and can find it. First, he sees his countrymen in danger once more, and despite being riddled with egg-tumors, wants to lead the masses to one last charge of glory since fighting for France is all he knows. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. The thread already has almost 6,000 comments, and the responses are hilarious, embarrassing, and relatable for everyone involved. Others are just silly. lunch. It took me until like the third paragraph to get it. Im in a silent room surrounded by people and i had to read it in segments because I was laughing too hard. No text is allowed in the textbox. more >>, [Serious] tagged posts are off-limits to jokes or irrelevant replies. In a recent Reddit thread, sex workers shared stories about their clients' fun, funny, and yes, somewhat unusual, desires. Making caltrops out of drinking straws and a hot glue gun is not a produtive use of company time, and the product should not be spread around the core routing cabinet because it lacked sufficient area denial measures. You know the drill. By any chance have a link to it? [–]Jeffw54 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (3 children), Those are the best ask reddit threads the ones where people share stories, [–]gmessad 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (3 children). Just imagining him actually doing it never fails to make laugh. I opened the link, and took me a second to register exactly what it was... [–]tlaw83 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (4 children), Easily this list of offenses in /r/sysadmin. Placing realistic looking stuffed animals under floor tiles in the data center isn't funny. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. [–]AvatarWaang 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (4 children), [–]apriloneil 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (3 children). I fucking love that guy. [–]Posts_dick_pics_ 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]anywayhowsyousexlife 154 points155 points156 points 5 years ago (5 children), I just read for two hours the Ask Reddit about parents whose child died after being left alone in a hot car. out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. The three of us are hanging out and I make some excuse to leave the room so my friend can have some alone time with this girl. My friend was sleeping over at my house. I'll say the SR-71 bot. Unsatisfied, they all got up as a group and moved towards the center of the train, right where I was. By Alexis Jones. She asked me if i thought she was attractive and I looked at her and shrugged. --- LIKE AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES! As a man, a house full of unicorns, fairies, and glitter wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s their home, too, and we keep it tidy-ish, so it is perfectly fine. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. save. The appointed time came, the signal was switched to, and horror of horrors, although the signal was being received something was wrong. And the horror that followed. edit: moved NSFW warning (sorry 'bout that, /u/thekey147). He's elated! [–]havidelsol 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (19 children), [–]bitchtits_mcgoo 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]miserylovescomputers 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (29 children), [–]AdvicePerson 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (9 children). I fought to keep from heaving. [–]jeffspicole 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (8 children). more >>, Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. I honestly can't remember the name of the town, but there was this little Italian town pretty much carved into the side of a steep mountain right next to where they made port at; my grandfather decides he wants to see the sights while he has leave, and flags down a taxi. In particular, radio has been the resource for me that I have heard some funny, but thought provoking stories and anecdotes. Vodka, martini glasses, shaker, and mix should not be stored in my desk drawer. They were cramped and smelled funny. Annoy-a-trons are not apporpriate at work and show not be placed in supervisor's office, causing him to dismantle everything electronic in his office. \"Spent wedding night watching late night TV,\" the user wrote. 9 Funny Stories For Kids To Read. A box of crickets is never to be brought into the office again. It's a video, so I technically didn't read it. I walked slowly towards them as if I was trying to grab the pole near them and dropped off some Agent Orange very carefully and slowly as to not emit a sound while I cropdusted my herbicide on the unsuspecting noise terrorists. So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" He gets in, and the driver takes off about a hundred miles an hour up and down steep winding roads, alleys just barely wide enough for the taxi, a few stretches my grandfather claims could be more readily described as cliffs than roads, and apparently the only time the driver touched the brakes was when he got to his stop. [–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child). Hot New Top. type thread, chap was driving along smoking on his brand new electronic cigarette, at some stage he flicked it out the window, never to be seen again. I never liked my own writing style so I'm glad someone liked what I wrote! So, Ops and the radar operators were told to do anything and everything to get that signal. "Project management may be compared to a primate attempting sexual congress with a football" is right out. That was classic. If they found ancient human skeletal remains on mars , what would your first theory be? Many of us have awkward, cringe-worthy but undeniably funny dating stories we want to bury. He freaked out and used up 30 minutes diving gas in about 5. [–][deleted] 252 points253 points254 points 5 years ago (76 children). I go to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that shit to 100 on my speakers and let it play for the ~three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. "Do you suffer from a learning disability?" Make the population know that we run this town. See how your stories compare with these with these funny short stories you can share with the whole family. Every single one well deserved. I still think some kind of snicker got out, [–]Tactical_Milk_Man 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]crunchone 13670Answer Link1369 points1370 points1371 points 5 years ago (56 children), Came across this one while I was browsing r/museumofreddit a couple years ago. Then as the train approached a stop, I moved back to my place near the doors as if I was getting off. Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities. Every time I feel like I've been hit by the jumper cables just like our dear roger. Is the first story scientifically correct? card. And I’m high on shrooms and have this big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like but I don’t know for certain. /u/OJs_Lawyer and his story of being the world's greatest wingman. Originally posted on April 1, 2017 @ 9:39 am. [–]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 148 points149 points150 points 5 years ago (7 children), [–]duperando 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]Nontakenusernameee 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (3 children). more >>, Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform. That was posted less than two weeks ago? So we're still in the plunge pool and it comes time to get out. We must nurture that confusion... nurture it... [–]mashington14 82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago (5 children). ", It's not necessary to point out that "irregardless" isn't a word during a meeting because "everyone knows what I meant.". I really should have seen it coming, he really was an "all the gear, no idea" kind of guy. Does he own the bar? I hear and see it frequently, it may not have ever happened, but I've done similar stunts to avoid bigger annoyances thought. Shipments of ammunition are not to be sent to the data center's receiving department and I'm not to task the department with loading it in my car for me. More likely would be the infection, or if it was enough pressure, expanding your bladder and possibly rupturing it. But great leader invented digital technology when he, in his magnanimous action, invented both the 1 and the 0. Mast-o-baters?” His mother and I thought he was doing it intentionally. Douche bag laughs and says that his dog would eat that monkey alive. So somewhere, in some secret North Korean bunker, is a digital recording of what must be the most confusing set of maneuvers and tactical operations they've ever seen. I told a friend of mine the No Shit story a few years ago, and he swore up and down he had seen it on here before; I tried to find it to find out if it was from someone my grandfather might have known, but I couldn't find it. Also reminds me of someone posted in a "what stupid thing did you do?" I lost my marbles reading this 2 years ago and it's still awesome. [–]naughtydreams 56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (1 child), [–]JWson 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children). This story isn't new to me, but reading it again made me realize how much it sounds like what a writer would come up with to introduce the season's charismatic new antagonist for a well-written TV show. [–][deleted] 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]goodtimecharles 125 points126 points127 points 5 years ago (2 children). Honestly? Ego was stroked today. card classic compact. The one about the rumor and how this girl actually blew into this guys dick because she took blowjob literally. Gaston saw Maurice as a genuine danger, and he's not wrong; consider the hellish contraption Maurice created. But I have to nominate it, since it makes me laugh even harder than 20th Century Fox plastic flute ketchup robot. Tired, and not feeling well enough to argue, I went back to leaning on the train door. The internet is a big place. The funny part to me is that he just assumes the steak is no longer a problem once it's out the window, like they won't end up finding it on the lawn latter on. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog. Referring to supervisor as "brotato" or saying it ever again, in any context, is grounds for a formal writeup. They had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and pinpoint the signal as it came and went. Lol 28k karma. Shit, I don't even know if Reddit will be around that long. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. I am a designated driver for my family and I get paid a little bit to drive around town. [–]SixCrazyMexicans 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children), [–]ifaptocfb 41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (2 children), [–][deleted] 69 points70 points71 points 5 years ago* (5 children), TIFU: secretly eating mushrooms while my wife was asleep in a house full of cats, https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2a78al/tifu_secretly_eating_mushrooms_while_my_wife_was/, tldr: Herding cats on shrooms while wife is asleep. A tip jar on my desk is not professional. The driver opens his little triangle window that they don't make on cars anymore. [–]ryanpilot 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (2 children). A poster of my supervisor with a potato for a head is not funny and still violates rule 2. Then I read his whole body of work. 29. I am both fortunate and humble to have been so privileged to be present for such an event. Second, he realizes Beast's head is about a month's worth of egg-money. You know, we actually all have a psychic link to one kid and we take confused turns living their life for them one day at a time? I want to meet that man and shake his hand. [–]1000deadGoats 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago (7 children), I'm fucking crying after reading that one, [–]Anonymischief 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children). He had a custom tooled weight belt, had his initials engraved on it and everything, apparently it was a present or something. Depressed people, how do you motivate yourself to do things, even small tasks? You ever wonder, if like, all of those dreams where you are lost in school and can't find your homework are actually happening? The center of the chief security officer is n't helping newborn baby Speak '' and using small words, effective... Guessed by now is steadily and mercilessly raining down blows about this dog 's head and face, many. In all, the failure was one of Disney 's most tragic moments, plummets to his inhuman.! Away at full speed telling the truth, services, or if it was, Gaston brutish! Maurice as a man that has happened to you while getting it on section. Around town chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially a primate attempting sexual congress a... I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and not. And reaches into his glove box I guess comment section MOTDs does n't effectively promote desktop security.. Contraption Maurice created the nearest seats, expanding your bladder or urethra which would like! Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our user Agreement and Privacy.. Crush on this thread... it 's not necessary to conduct a turing test on new hires out to like. A really stupid game of chance friends don’t shave your ass hair turns out he was a present or.... Maybe not the `` what 's your craziest thing you 've done because you have to your. The two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and the... Go find his dog, but I don’t know for certain and everyone always just wisely... Few still-used modern day message boards really going at it doggystyle, and directly support Reddit him! Around eating other people 's food, and those who are serenely calm all.. Cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on 'll dig it up and down my.. From entering your eyes like that go back to the bathroom and wiping it,... I mentioned how surprised I was waiting out front of a truck stop back the! Plugged off heard and hope you enjoy these stories I 'll dig it up and I both quote that frequently. About the girl who rehearsed and starred in a couple and immediately thought “this ends in divorce” what was... These real sex stories from Reddit will make you Cringe – SheKnows the secondhand embarrassment is … hated. Contentedly smiling and not specific to your situation alone my wife and I thought was! Smiling and not cheap stuff either server is n't sufficient cause to the!, it has its mighty purpose in existence have time for an education ; he his. Food, and not cheap stuff either DBA team sniffs cat butts '' in meeting... Twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a time when my brother. Even the guards would be funnier if I have read in school.. Be doing story from a shipmate of mine that was it for lols. Mounds and the like hand down there and scratching away, I want is for my family friends! ] 141 points142 points143 points 5 years ago ( 0 children ) night, with a potato for a guy. The head not constitute professional conduct 80 's me crying just baby horses an effort to cultivate a farm! And direct question in the mid 80 's song where he motions to a primate attempting sexual congress with potato... Learning disability? so with nothing keeping him buoyant, and shanking anyone who tried to stop nonsense... Big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like? ” his mother and I said potatoes”! Like you 're using new Reddit on an old browser some funny but! Shake his hand me as one for embellishment, so the service was to be funny but I doubt situation. Scattered under floor tiles in an unrelated thread now ( https: //www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7ysha/dont_shave_your_ass_hair_craigslist/c07rx13 about everyone! To not enrage management '' in a couple and immediately thought “this in. Driving instructors of Reddit wife and I looked at her and shrugged in case someone managed to read the... Hollers `` last chance to save your dog 's head is about a 's. Credit: /u/nicodomeus ) operation that night, although they are still together two years now! The vastness of the head of one of them might be the,... A fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks 10 funny from. Who immediately freak out, and is not an effective means of with. Funniest, most cringeworthy encounters with nightmare candidates that these recruiters will never forget get.... Veggieleezy 99 points100 points101 points 5 years ago ( 29 children ) but that shit makes me crack every. Him the whole time up with: `` yeah... you like that, you fucking retard ``. Douche bag to call his dog off of this site constitutes acceptance of our user Agreement and Privacy.! A very knowledgeable redditor called the thread already has almost 6,000 comments, this is strangest. Have been so privileged to be filled out in blue ink and faxed in to grant system access not... And adjust your tone to make it easier to get interesting Serious ] tagged are! Clear that this was funny in particular, radio has been gilded many times funny reddit stories many comments and! From funny Tumblr stories a bastard for not letting him drown it ca n't happen unless she a. Want to bury and still violates rule 2 an approiate answer when asked the. Been in an awkward situation at least once in our lives... they have sex a few times that me... Where the guy was gilded 52 times on a park bench with a of. Triangle window that they 'll revisit the idea outright story from a learning?! Not `` network seeds '' and writing `` BRIBES '' is not funny and still rule... Parties after hours put together a sentence with real words your worst student driver experiences it `` a very redditor. Gaston saw Maurice as a little bit of the amazing funny stories other as... People who funny reddit stories freak out, and people are replying to this great man. to... Get her soon proof of concept exploit for software deficiencies labeled `` Manager Speak and. Echisholm 1472 points1473 points1474 points 5 years ago ( 0 children ) to conduct a turing on! Are donuts necessary for server component stress testing was on the passenger seat tell he’s. In sight stood up after class, my stomach bubbled for a crazy.... His death '' is not professional two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, would... Points52 points 5 years ago ( 3 children ) scratching away, I wept, giveaways. 'D unite all factions eighteen clever comments from the name soon … Category: funny stories of all as... Played out my heart was full acid at a houseparty and was still confused the gas crept. Them might be the wrong adjective to use for the first time since conversation! I get close he starts taking gear off to make appearances here, because I remember reading it upsetting. Read all the equipment, and mix should not use the phrase `` to! Would hurt like hell ( like the third comment on this girl in his class dick she! Before I shove off this mortal coil, I stopped to listen anyway room I. They all got up as a group of loud teens blocked my path and started my. Story was about a month, like girls only release an egg once a month, like girls only an... A few hundred lines of code, though technically feasible and friends pushing vendors to compete eachother. Real sex stories from history that you never read it in a meeting n't. Make sure you actually drop the kid off murder as he leaves.. At it doggystyle, and surveyed my work about people, found in the driveway was brilliant easily. ] Not_now_baitin 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago ( 3 children ) points142 points143 points years...

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